new ventures and adventuresPosted: September 5, 2012
It’s September and, after a rather dramatic and traumatic summer, I’m ready for autumn homebody activities and stews and sweaters and long wool skirts.
I took some time off a few weeks ago to lick my wounds and heal after a particularly devastating series of events. Some of them were necessary, others outside my control (death isn’t something I can really do anything about) and it all left me feeling very vulnerable an hurt. I took my healing time to really dig deep into my core values and realized that I hadn’t been honouring them by inviting people into my life who also didn’t honour them. I did a lot of rage cleaning – my home was a DISASTER zone after living with a housemate an her dog in my main living space and shutting down the cleaning, house-proud portion of my brain for MONTHS due to not being able to wrap my head around keeping it up in my own ways and in my own time. It’s a terrible side-effect of both depression and ADHD that I end up sabotaging my own happiness like that.
So I changed it in those healing days and then come into the light a little more because it feels SO good to provide that lack of chaos to myself an my family.
I’ve stayed relatively low-key since then, not going out much, but having people over who do honour my values and I theirs. I took some more time off last week to enjoy hanging out in my newly uncluttered space – drawing and cooking and entertaining. It felt good. The kitchen’s a write-off again, but it doesn’t feel unmanageable having gone a month with getting dishes done before bed every night.
I also went out on a limb and went on a date. I don’t feel ready for a relationship, but the circumstances in both of our situations are…special. And accommodate both of our limitations in terms of what we have to give. I’m glad I did it. He’s such a feel-good person and made me feel special and sexy and accepted in such a short period of time without pushing boundaries. Even if things don’t work out romantically, I really hope we continue to hang out from time to time. I’m excited just to see where this goes. I like the adventure of getting to know a new person.
I have a handful of reasons to be excited and things to look forward to.