ok

This last week I’ve spent  sweetly& blissfully sprog-free. They’ve been off on a cruise in the Caribbean and I’ve been here, living in a home that has stayed cleaner than, quieter than, socialler than what casa cushti normally is when the not-so-wee loin fruits are about. Additionally, I’ve had liberties I don’t normally get when they are around. In part, it has been like a bit of a vacation for me too.

So, bliss, right?

Ish.

I’ve never really become used to that feeling of forgetting something each weekend the sprogs visit with their dad, let alone the weeks they’ve spent away with him. Weeks I pushed for because of my own fond memories of having heap big good times with my own daddy after the demise of my parents’ marriage.

Yeah. I project, but I project out of love, as much as it makes me uncomfortable.

I project because I’m the parent who’s been through it and I want to minimize for the sprogs the icky experiences I went through and maximize the excellent experiences I went through. Divorce is not the devil, folks. We kids of divorced parents get a shit ton of good stuff too. And I fight for the good stuff, even when it means being uncomfortable. Missing them is uncomfortable.

And I miss them like whoa.

I miss their presences.

I miss the revolving door that is them and their friends and all the activity that goes with that.

I miss coming home to them.

I miss all they have to relate of their days.

I miss having people to cook for regularly.

I miss hearing about their secrets, their troubles, their glories.

That only scratches the surface of what I miss. I miss them a metric shit ton, yo, but I also do great on my own. I’ve had fun with people. I’ve had fun at home alone. I’ve made shit. I’ve done shit. I’ve been me.

Like any relationship, taking some time away from each other is a GOOD thing.

Every time I’m in this position of coming to terms with them being away for longer than the usual couple of days, I grow. I let go a little more in some ways and learn to retain in important ways.

And I’m ok.

And now I know they haven’t been captured by pirates or crashed into an iceberg and they’ll be home Monday night, like always. And I’ve had a chill week of discovering what I’m about and I’m about ok.

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